Notes to self

16 March 2023

The magnitude of my job

suddenly scares me

17 March

People do

the best for themselves

before

The greater good

17 March

Yellow

Established

Her dominance

Of the alpha

But I think

It’s only

Because

Shakira

Let’s her

17 March

Drunk as skunk

people blame

what they

see

in themselves

18 March

I need

to release me

to be free

but

how

after

a lifetime

conforming

19 March

Life is a roller coaster

it starts slow

and you just go

with the flow

then it it starts

going faster

after

reaching

every peak

people

losing

what

was

important

waiting

for the next

peak

20 March

I want to

get

out

of this

reality

#socialmedia

24 March

Universe

my ancestors

fucked up

I have

fucked up

I ask

humbly ask

don’t let

the sins

of the ancestors

fuck up

my kids

lives

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Realities

I might be
an old hag
in this reality
but
when
I hear
my lover
calling
through
the abyss
of realities
I become
his Syren Song
a Phoenix
blossoming
in his
embrace

In my dream

My lover

Came to me

In a yellow Ferrari

Wearing

a Dick Dastardly

Driving cap

His smile

And the

Twinkle

In his hazel eye

Made me all

Giddy

Inside

He kissed my thigh

And all I can do

Was sigh

Hadida

The rain

bough

a Hadida

to my garden

I immediately

took a disliking

to her

she sits

on my garden wall

beadyeyed

accusingly

blank

staring at me

I chase

her away

arms flapping

just to

find

het back

on the wall

staring

at me

Amethyst

Last night

I found

my mom’s

owl amethyst

covered in dust

begging me

to wear it

I had a dream

I gave up

my room

my bed

to the bitch

of a sister in law

then

she asked

me

for my man

to sleep

beside her

because

she is scared

I put

my foot down

and

said no

The man

crumbled

a limp

into

oblivion

and I

was left

on my own

and I wonder

what have

I

started

Brad Pitt

Years ago

when my kids

were babies

I had a dream

I dreamt

I woke up

dreading

the day ahead

and as I

walk

into my kitchen

he

was

sitting

there

Asking:

“How can I

serve you

Milady?”

with that

quirky smile

and

the twinkle

in the blue

eye

I knew then

I had my first

celebrity crush

I watched

a movie

tonight

a chick flick

really

with him

starring in

a meaningless

side character

role

and

I knew

I am

still

totally

infatuated

and

apart

from a short

stint

with

Josh Brolin

and

Gérard Depardieu

and

Gerard Butler

Brad

is my ultimate

celebrity crush

and who

knows

dreams

maybe

a bit

of

reality

Four Cups

Here we are today

Four challises 

Four truths

What happened that fateful night

15 years ago?

We all flew in from faraway

We haven’t spoken a word

Since that day

The golden chalices

Are lined up

As it was then

Now only four

Filled with a Rothschild

Or some other specimen

James, Samuel, Casandra, and me

(and Camron, bless his soul)

We don’t talk

We stare at the chalices

Our names

Engraved

At the bottom edge

A silent

Question

Of who is next?

We played

This game 

15 years ago

to the date

Sam drank his challenge

and reveals

he is homosexual and 

aways horny

yet, he is

running

for government

Casandra took the next drink,

saying she wants world peace

with a

wink in the eye

but we all know

money

is her style

James

follows suit 

wishing the hatred ends

and people unite

on what is right

Me, asking

have I missed the point?

Have my friends

Gone mad?

A friend disappeared 15 years ago

Pledging to the golden chalice

The chalice challenged:

Give up you

For prosperity

I am sitting here

Wondering

Why

I am still here

If 

My friend Camron 

Who wanted to the save

Human race

Is gone 

and yet

I am still here

doing nothing’

but breath

She

I can see

her there

in an oversized

pink tartan pants

and a vaguely

matching

ill fitting

floral blouse

both feet

on the chair

blowing

out the smoke

like she

don’t care

but I know

it is not so.