He is a religious man. For that reason and that reason alone, I need him more, than he will ever now. I need my hopes, grounded, in faith. I need a mentor, to help me believe. I choose to live in love, laughter, happiness and faith!


still so lost

I don’t want to be saved

I don’t want forever

I want now



in me and you

Wine wonders

He came out of nowhere. He overturned my world. He told me his name, but said I can call him, Silver. He said he is Italian, but travels the world. He said he is 52, but he looks 32. He said he wants to invest half a million USD in my country, just to meet me. He said his son, is only three, my kids are no longer, shorter than my knee. He said he wants to take care of me, but he hasn’t met me, or seen my face, or my bountiful body, covered in lace. He doesn’t know, I can take care of myself, but company I crave, a laugh, a drink, a dance and maybe a kiss. More I can not give. Or can I?

I can’t help to wonder if this is a “eat, pray, love” moment or just a flaky pie, in the sky?

a (not) naughty weekend

I guess if you live apart, you have to make a special effort, to spend time together.

I have never been to the Drakensburg. So, as Friday, turns old, I packed the Jag, and headed south.

Just after lunch, I picked up the Machem, in faraway, where he prefers to stay, and off we went, to Champagne Valley.

The traffic was heavy, but what did you expect, on pay weekend Friday?

With in and hour or so, we left civilization behind and turned off on the R600. Hard to belief, it was snowing here a mere 5 days ago. It is beautiful, green and scenic. As the afternoon turns, dark, we found ourself on a dirt road, to Ardmore Guest Farm. It was in the valley, and beautiful. However, I did have a “courage the cowardly dog” moment. We checked in and was shown to our room. I was a tad disappointed, cause I expected to stay in a rondavel, away, from other people, but it was a thatched room, adjoining, other rooms. None the less, it was private and beautiful.

We unpacked the car, and each carried on reading our own books, on the veranda. I didn’t realize at the time of booking, that there were no TV’s in the room. A blessing really, cause either we talk and be together or leave it.

The day changed colour, and dinner was calling.

We decided to go for drinks, before dinner, and took a leisurely walk, to the main house. There was a chill in the air. We sat down on a huge veranda, our only companions, two dogs, sharing the night.

Dinner was ok, but the wine was good. We took a slow walk back, feeling our way in the dark. A bit tipsy from the wine, we made tea, and going through the motions, like strangers, knowing what’s about to happen, but not quite sure how to go about it.

Eventually, he gave up the pretense and made me his, on the leather coach, I can still feel, his fingers, pressing on my throat.

The morning broke, wet and wanting, stretching, into satisfaction.

After a quick shower, it was breakfast time, by logfire and exploring this part of the mountain, was waiting.

We drove through champagne valley, all the way to Monks Cowl, a scenic campsite nestled, in the mountain. We decided, to be daredevils, and as unfit as we were, we decided, to take a hike.

Now, my ancestors may have came across the Drakensberg, barefoot, but I have crocs. After a lot of laughter, joking about the easy 7km walk for old fat farts… we set of with sun glasses, a camera and a water bottle.

The first km was easy and breezy, in the shadows, of the trees. This was easy, I thought. Then the trees stop, the late morning sun, beating down relentlessly. The slope slippy and down hill. But the view. Breathtaking!

After what felt like hours, we heard the gurgle, of a waterfall. Leading down, towards it, was manmade steps. Freaking giant steps, in my mind. My short ass, had to slide down on hands and knees… (joking) but the view:

We took some selfies for the family, and joked about being naughty, right here. Luckily we were alerted, to other people on their way, by their loud foreign, voices. We walked further and found some pools, in a crystal clear, cold river

Then it was time to head back, midday was past and the uphill, back was a nightmare. Hot, bothered, dusty and hungry, we arrived back, at the campsite. We asked, the ladies, sitting in the little cafe, for ice cream.

While digging in her teeth, with a chicken bone, the fat one said: “Eish, machine is broken.” A tall skinny lady, came around the corner and explained that they have, changed vendors, and the ice cream, has not arrived yet.

Embarrassed, we left. This is what foreigners see, when visiting, our country. No wonder, the world, thinks, we are dumb.

We drove through the mountains, stopped here and there, to explore, and just enjoying the view.

Eventually, hunger chased us to The valley bakery. What a charming place. The food and service, were out of this world. We browsed, through some gift-shops and slowly found our way, back to the farm. An afternoon nap was in order, after all that walking. In the late afternoon, we explored the farm, we helped ourselves with some refreshments, from the honesty bar and sat down, admiring, the peace and tranquility

After sunset, we had dinner and went back to the room. We had to try the jacuzzi. Filling the jacuzzi, with hot water and every packet of bath foam and shampoo, we can lay our hands on, we climbed into the hot, bubbly water, sipping pink champagne.

The soaking wet floor and evidence seeping down the drain, the only witnesses, to our passion.

Sunday broke, with owls hooting on the roof and I knew, it’s time, to go back, to reality.

My holiday was over.

Day 10 Me-time

and like all good things, my me-time had to end.

The day broke, dark and gloomy. A summary of how I feel. I came here to find myself, but I’m even more lost, than ever before. I wish I could stay. Nothing in my real life mattered more than staying. But then loyalty and responsibility kicked in.

After breakfast, we loaded the car, with heavy hearts. The 2 hour journey to the airport, stretched out, like a mountain, you have to climb, but don’t want too.

At the airport, things went smoothly, and before we knew it we were back in Gauteng, and back on the coal dumps.

at least the Maxcat was happy to see me, and helped me unpack.

and so ends the most amazing journey, I’ve undertaken, alone.

Day 9 Me-time

The day started, cloudy and pink, and cleared up to a beautiful day. I suddenly remembered, tomorrow, the dream will end.

I cried myself back to sleep, and only woke up when Heidi popped-in to go for breakfast. We decided to browse around all the little shops in Paternoster.

Slowly we walked past the hotel and the first stop was, Jêm & Pantoffels, what an interesting little shop. All sorts of souvenirs. From local tea, spices, bath products to jewelry, shoes and clothing. Some items with witty slogans and others just beautiful. We probably spend almost 2 hours in this shop. Next stop: Stone Fish Studio and gallery. I lost my heart on two original paintings, but I couldn’t afford, it. So I just looked and looked and looked, until my eyes watered. From there went across the road to Paternoster se Padstal. This was one of those shops, I remembers as a kid, near the beach. A real “negosie winkel” you could get anything from a screw to a dead policeman in here. I found the handbag, I was looking for, for over a year.

Again we crossed the road, to Die Winkel Op Paternoster. (Oep vir Koep) The shop was busy, the people friendly and again the most original souvenirs from local origin. By this time a thirst kicked in and it was tea-time.

In a a beautiful hidden garden, at a bright red polka dot table, we sat, down and enjoyed tea.

We explored a few more shops, before deciding, it is time for lunch, on the beach. We packed our leftover snacks, of yesterday, and went to the beach just past Paternoster, on the way to Tietiesbaai. The sun was hot, and the sky cloudy. It was our own private beach. We rolled out or blanket, unpacked the snacks and jus sat there, staring at the rocks, and the sea. Words were not needed. After filling our bellies, Heidi decided to take a nap, and I read my book.

The clouds came in and the breeze got nippy. We decided to head back. We stopped at a few more places, just to stare at the beauty.

That evening, we had pizza at Blikkies Pizzeria. We took our left over pizza, to my bed, with all the half drank bottles of wine and we watched Florence Foster Jenkins. Definitely worth a watch.

Alleen all een of al leen

en dan skielik

is dit weer Saterdag

‘n dag vir speel en lag

maar my hart is swaar

selfs die sonstrale

wat strelende


in die reendruppels

in die doringboom

bring geen vreugde nie


all een of al leen?

ek weet mos

van kleinsaf

dit was vir my beskore

maar die lewe

loop slinger draaie

gee jou ‘n smakie

van lewe, lag, liefde en lus

net om dit weer weg te vat

en jou te los,

in ‘n donker leemte

smagtend na nog