A dance

Tap
Tap
castanet
trills
Slow the heat
engage the feet
a pelvic beat
Tap
Tap
The dress
swirls
Layers
red
Passion
fed

 

image

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Wasting time

Sitting here

on my bed

in nothing but a slip

the cat purring on my lap

Outside the sun is shining

Traffic wiz by in the street

A lawn mower sound chewing green summer grass

Birds happily tjirpping in the thorn tree.

The house deadly quiet

The young adult has moved out

The Mackem’s sarcasm still covers the summer’s day in a cloud of grey

Uncried tears

Blurring my vision

Why am I so unhappy?

Why am I wasting time?

Why am I still here?

Unreal

How do you erase the memories of a fictional love?

after 20 months of exchanging words?

but it wasn’t words, was it?

it was sharing daily lives

pretending

wishing

dreaming

crying

caring

laughing

How do you forget a love that was not real?

How can you just go silent

after sharing so much?

Did you really not feel?

was it just a joke?

or maybe you were man enough to know its not real.

 

Gratitude

  • Day 3 of Ultimate You 30 day Healthy Habits Challenge.

On day 1 we were challenged to eat  thoughtfully… That was quite a challenge after having lunch at 13:00 and then only getting home to a fully cooked pork chop dinner at 20:00. I greedily pulled off the crackling and stuffed Irvin my mouth, enjoying the salty sweet taste, when I realized, Noooooo!
At least the dogs enjoyed the cracklings.

Day 2 was reversible easy. Just a pity, I didn’t take my phone for a jog, I would’ve made the 6000 steps, long before 19:00, if I only checked the challenge before going to gym at 4am.

Day 3. I have to write down 5 things I’m grateful for. Wow! On a morning like this were we already hitting 25C at 6am. What a beautiful day. But now I gave to race to work!

Gratitude, what a huge concept? What does it mean? What does it mean to me?

I am thankful? I am? What for? Money? A well paid, hateful job? Driving BMW’s for fun? A house that is paid for?  Three hot meals and a bottle of wine a day? A pool to cool down in in this heat? An airconned office? The long drive to work and back on hectic roads?

I have so much, yet I want more?

The reason we are not happy must have something to do with being grateful?

I guess when you change your attitude and look at life through a different glass (not the bottom of the bottle)

Since my run in with the law about 10 weeks ago, I have decided to change. hence the ultimate you challenge 1 – completed. Challenge 2 – started.

I pull my mouth into a smile while I’m driving hoping that it will stay there. I bite my finger and try to think of a reason why, somebody is an idiot on the road. If somebody really annoy me, I just say: thank thank you thank you… until the feeling passes.

So what 5 things am I Thankful for?

  1. Despite all the fights and harsh words, I love my family and they love me.
  2. I am privilege to have a well paid job, I don’t like the driving and I absolutely do try my best to get along with my colleagues, but that is hard work and draining. But my efforts has already made a difference in the way we communicate in the office.
  3. I live in a vibrant country with so much potential despite the mismanagement and corruption. It is beautiful country and it does make my heart sing.
  4. I am in reasonable good health – maybe a bit too curvy but that is ok
  5. I cant really say it any better than Nina Simone in I aint got no….. I Got Life

Day 12 Block out light at night

Oh my, what a weird challenge?

I have walked 8000 on day 10, had to drink eight glasses of water, eat green veggies at night (peas with hamburger it was)  and the worst one was no caffeine after 1pm on day 4.

The funniest one was do 50 squats on Saturday. I was camping with my son, with his church group and between the bible bashing and prayers I managed 50 squats and a few yoga poses. Big was my embarrassment, when my son relayed, the events at home later. Him and his mates were wondering what I got up to, in my yoga pants on the deck over looking the river.

There are two challenges I haven’t done:

  • Take pictures of yourself in underwear…..
  • Get 8 hours sleep

Apart from not being photogenic, photos are not my strong point. Maybe I am ugly, maybe I am not. So I can not see this challenge being met.

8 hours sleep? What’s that? I can not recall when last I slept more than 5 hours. Believe I tried. I went to bed early. tossed and turned and eventually fell asleep at 23:11, just to be woken up by the house alarm going off at 1:45. without thinking I was standing in front of the control pad, trying to see, through sleep thick eyes, where the beam was broken, when my sin decided to walkout his room. Did I scream? I think his ears will never be the same. Needless to say, no further sleep happened that night.

Now we on day 12. We had no power the night before. It was dark, pitch dark. Every sound was amplified in the still dark. Even the stars were covered in a cloudy blanket. It was scary. Guess we have to try it again.

Dark the night

without light

just stars

shining bright

the noise of cars

with silence

in a fight

unnecessary violence

 Day 27

Three days left in this challenges and I am still stuck on day 23 list 3 things you love about yourself.
 What do I like about myself?